Keeping up with the Joneses

We have a new family in our neighborhood.  They recently moved into a renovated three-bedroom fixer-upper that had been abandoned for quite some time.  Our new neighbors arrived over the holidays looking shiny and optimistic.  We  watched as they loaded in their grand piano, art prints, antique couches, two beautiful children and a menagerie of pets.   

They are the Jones family.  Bob and Cynthia Jones* to be exact, along with their children Sissy and Jr..  They seemed a little quiet at first, but once the children got to playing they loosened up and I’m sure we’re all on our way to becoming good friends.

This is a picture of their house:


Moving Day is always a little chaotic.

Moving Day is always a little chaotic.


Now, you can’t tell from the picture, but their house sits directly next to my favorite comfy chair, so I peek in from time to time to see how they’re doing.  Well, I am here to report that despite the happy facade things are amiss in the Jones house.  Last night I couldn’t help but notice (especially seeing as they have yet to put up any curtains) that the stress of the move, along with the pressure of maintaining perfect hair, seems to have gotten to Cynthia.




What makes this all the more disturbing is that while Cynthia appears to be having a full on breakdown over the very idea of giving Jr. his bath, Bob appears otherwise unaffected.


Bob sleeps with his clothes on to hide the fact that he is not anatomically correct.

Bob sleeps with his clothes on to hide the fact that he is not anatomically correct.


Men can be such pigs.  I think I will bake a tiny pie and stop over to see if I can be of any help.  


*editor’s note – Please do not take any offense if your name happens to be Bob or Cynthia Jones.  Beta Mom is sure that you are in fact very a well-adjusted, average-sized person who lives in a real house.


5 responses to “Keeping up with the Joneses

  1. Tears!! Literally Tears!!! AT Work!! Thanks for the laugh!

  2. Hysterical!!! Will keep reading… but have only read about the Jones’ moving in, and was cracking up!

  3. I love the Jones’. They used to live near me. They were always invaded by storm troppers and army men so they moved out.

    Say hello for me!! Love it!

  4. Oh, so it was THAT Bob for whom all charges were dismissed. Explains his poise and Cynthia’s breakdown.

  5. I love my funny friends! Laurie – I didn’t even make the connection. Clearly I have some repressed predisposed resentments against people named Bob. I will get to work on that right away.

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